I'm an Asian, a Christian, and a woman, and I'm the eldest daughter of immigrant parents. My dad is also an executive elder of a Chinese family church. Growing up, these intersecting identities have inevitably come with many expectations to be the gentle, never upset, and passive "yes" woman who smiles between gritted teeth, appeases male egos, and models the stereotype of the "good Christian woman."
What inspires my following writing is a genuine concern I have. I notice that for the sake of maintaining supposedly divine hierarchy and not bringing disrespect to my family or myself, I have been taught to bite my tongue when I have disagreements or doubts, especially with male church leadership. Unconditional obedience, as if that is the definition of humility. I wonder if instead of being motivated to love like Jesus Himself did, we are putting on a show, so we don't stir the water or cause any chaos by challenging overlooked sin, gender expectations, and along with it, your favorite word: patriarchy.
Patriarchy noun.
1. a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it. - Oxford Dictionary
2. a social organization marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan or family, the legal dependence of wives and children, and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line. - Merriam-WebsterIf you've talked to me for even an hour, you'll likely walk away knowing I hate patriarchy with my entire being, as I believe it as a product of sin and the broken desire we have to hold, exert, and maintain control over others. As a social organization, the church is not exempt from experiencing and embracing patriarchy. This system of power disables us from fully seeing all members of the church body as people created with dignity, and it is preventing us from experiencing the true freedom Christ has already given each of us through Him.
The ways patriarchy permeate the church have grown so apparent I believe it would be a disservice to not call them out. Here is an extremely non-exhaustive list of reasons why as Christians, I implore you to challenge patriarchy as the norm or as a system designed by God:
1. Patriarchy prevents us from resting and honoring the Sabbath.
Under patriarchy, men are expected to be the family's main provider, especially financially. Women are expected to be the emotional providers, to ensure children grow up knowing they are loved and that household tasks are fulfilled. When judged by the rubric of patriarchy, how "good" or "bad" men and women in the family are is dependent on their ability to be consistent, never-failing providers so they don't become a source of shame or give children a tough upbringing. As I'm sure we've all realized, human needs have only increased as a result of inflation, a dwindling economy, and increased inaccessibility to basic products/services. The pressure for men and women alike to sustain themselves and their family has only increased. Yet, God has not revoked His command for us to honor the Sabbath, because in doing so, we remember that it is God who is our Provider, not another human being. We are not our own Saviors; neither will any amount of high performance or achievement ever make us the Saviors of our own families.
While the patriarchy places a suffocating burden on everyone, especially men, to be the never-failing, consistent breadwinners, the Sabbath frees us from the false belief that we are our own or our family's own gods. Until we resist patriarchy and the cumbersome expectation it places on men and women alike to be perfectly provisional, we will never be able to experience true Sabbath rest.
2. Never in history has any person ever been perfect at handling power.
The moment we have power, we are more likely to misuse or abuse it than to use it with diligence. Think about how easily we become prideful. Think about literally any politician. Think about how sexual violence is actually not primarily about sex but about exerting power and control. Think about how women's voices tend to be given less weight, because otherwise, they would be seen as threats to male authority.
Patriarchy is a system that offers men greater power and access to opportunities, yet it only exists through the steady oppression of women and other minorities. After all, if every person was actually treated with equality and seen as fellow image bearers made with dignity, there would be no gender-based abuse or power struggle. Patriarchy would cease to exist.
At the end of the day, God did not create men for the purpose of controlling or being in power over women, and God did not create women for the purpose of satisfying male desires/needs or being placed under the power of men. To think that God's perfect design of creation depends on the domination of men over women undermines God's absolute sovereignty over all things, meanwhile placing men on the throne of mini gods over their wives, children, and women in general. Only Jesus Christ can sit on the throne and have power without misusing it, because He alone is without sin. In fact, He emptied Himself of power because He knew the irrefutable truth that love cannot dwell within the same place where a desire to hold power over others exists. It would be a shame to think that any of us is capable of it - let alone to think that specifically, ~50% of the world's population was created with the divine purpose of holding power over the other.
3. Patriarchy requires that women are not seen and valued in their entirety.
Under patriarchy, women are seen as the weaker vessel, the ones who need saving and protecting by men (because of course, it is men who do the saving, protecting, and providing, not Christ. Duh.) It baffles me that alongside teaching men and women that we have the power of Christ living within each of us, which renews and empowers us to ask for anything in faith, we also teach that women are innately weaker, their work is considered less valuable, and they cannot pursue high leadership opportunities in the church that men have access to.
The core argument for complementarianism, which is the belief that men and women were created differently yet in ways to enhance the other, imitates patriarchy and enables us to diminish women's voices, capabilities, and opportunities continually. In reference to Adam and Eve, complementarianism argues that women were designed by God to be men's helpers, and along with that, to submit to their authority.
One of the many issues with complementarianism and the gender expectations that come with it is that inevitably, women's work will be seen as less valuable. Ask yourself: would you recommend your male friend for a secretary or childcare position at church? The likely answer is that you wouldn't, because you believe women were created to hold such positions of support where their "innate" ability to care shines through. (The ability to care is not innate; is it learned, and serving is a choice. To think that women serve because it is innate severely discounts the amount of sacrifice and love that drives such a decision, meanwhile excusing men for their, generally speaking, lower competence in providing emotional care). Men, on the other hand, are seen as more capable of holding leadership positions where they make impactful decisions.
In the same vein of devaluing women's work, I've noticed that complementarianism is often used by men to excuse themselves from household chores and the "emotional labor" of parenthood. Duties such as cooking, comforting children, and cleaning the home are seen as the woman's job, as she is the Helper in complementarianism, and her fulfillment of this role frees the man to fulfill "higher" responsibilities, such as shepherding the church, growing his career, and earning money. Women are expected to be willing to give up their own time, interests, and professional aspirations in support of men's, as the latter's interests are deemed a priority. With the current economy, most families now require both the man and woman to have a career; yet women are still expected to carry the majority, if not all, of the emotional labor at home. This means most mothers now leave their day job to perform a second shift at home. While every family will look different and some men/women may prefer to stay at home to watch over children, the issue with complementarianism is the expectation placed on women to be willing to perform both "shifts" or give up their careers without complaint. This dehumanizing expectation is a result of the false belief that true Christian women are designed by God to boost male interests and be the unconditional, sacrificial, and submissive supporters.
Moving past that, from a practical standpoint, how can a group of male leaders be expected to deal with cases of domestic violence, unexpected pregnancies, or gender-based sexual violence in the church without the appropriate empathy and knowledge of women's experiences? We lose the invaluable opportunity to serve ~50% of church members in a way that truly meets them where they are at. It is unrealistic to expect male church leadership to understand gender-based oppression, and having women in high leadership positions would drastically transform the extent to which we can truly care for every brother and sister in Christ. I say this with the acknowledgment that while no one is immune from experiencing gender-based violence, women experience it at disproportionately higher rates.
Furthermore, I must ask: What exactly makes men more innately capable of leadership? Their, generally speaking, greater physical strength? Their height? Their apparently greater logic and wisdom? I don't think for a second that the same Holy Spirit who dwells within each of us would become less truthful or impactful when a woman stands as a vessel before the podium instead of a man.
It is we, as human beings, who have disqualified women, not God.
You may say, "Most women don't dream of becoming pastors, anyways," to which I'd reply, "How many girls are encouraged to even dream of becoming one?" We've been taught that women are built for caretaker and supportive roles, which is why women are encouraged to develop such skills from childhood. On the other hand, boys are encouraged to be the head and to know how to take up space, have charisma, and build their public speaking and leadership skills to garner people's respect. As a result, boys will more "naturally" have the encouragement, support, and experience needed to take on higher leadership roles in the church than women.
It is we, as human beings, who have disqualified women, not God.
Now, back to my main point, which is that patriarchy requires women not to be seen and valued in their entirety. I wonder, when reading my thoughts above, if you've considered me as "angry," "a lot," "difficult," "too opinionated," "playing the victim," "prideful," or "un-Christian," even for a second. One thing about patriarchy and the gender expectations that come with it is that women are not afforded the same space to feel emotions such as anger, frustration, or even wonder, the way men are.
I wonder if I were a Christian man and you read this essay, you'd instead describe me as "profound," "daring," "confident," "pro-women," "thought-provoking," "a rarity", and "convicting" instead. Conviction, after all, is esteemed among leaders, and leaders, under patriarchy, should be men.
To close, I want to paraphrase a sentiment author Beth Allison Barr expresses beautifully in her book, The Making of Biblical Womanhood: Christianity is meant to be counter-cultural, different, and liberating, yet patriarchy within the church mimics patriarchy in the rest of the world. Something is wrong. However, we are still hesitant to resist patriarchy. And why? Because it means giving up power, and we rely on power to feel secure, strong, and worthy, rather than on God. It's time we rethink our relationship with power and give power back to the only one deserving and capable of handling it.
Part 2 will be released on a later date.
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